Plumbing! A Conspiracy to Make Ethan Look Foolish.

Yesterday,  Cheryl breaks the kitchen faucet.  It was old and corroded and was destined to break…..probably had not been replaced since 1950, when they first built this place.    So…let’s replace it with something nice!

There are two options: One,  call the Landlords.  Hope they are not in Florida yet and hope they can fix it before next Tuesday.   And probably be stuck with the ugliest, cheapest kitchen faucet that resembles the old one, only without the rust and corrosion.  

OR……Fix it ourselves!   We can choose the faucet AND fix it immediately!   What could possibly go wrong?

Well,  I’m not a plumber….But what IDIOT can’t do simple Plumbing jobs like replace a kitchen faucet?  Before committing to anything beyond me…I scout out the area and make sure I can handle it.   Tools?  Check!   Can I remove the rusty tightening nuts without breaking them?   YES!   Can I turn the handles to the on/off water supply?   YES!    DING DING DING!    We have our answer….let’s go to Menards!

We ultimately settle on a $30 version of kitchen faucet,  seeing as we are paying for this and do not want to “Invest” in a kitchen faucet for an apartment.  I check out the components and everything seems in order….it even has a sprayer that has a decent length hose!   I’m very excited!   I get to fix the sink,  Replace it with a NEW one, and look like a HERO to my wife and cat….What could possibly go wrong? 

First,   I open the box and read the instructions.   Now I’m pretty sure I know how to do this…I helped Dad replace a kitchen sink or two when I was younger.   ( mostly held the flashlight and handed Dad tools,  but I observed and absorbed enough…)    BUT!   I want to look professional and not forget anything simple.    I do what MOST MEN DO NOT…and read the instructions.  What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Turn off the water supply….Er…..I turn the nozzles….but water continues to pour out.  Is this supposed to happen?  It can’t turn any farther…I don’t want to break it.  But with the water supply on full throttle….this job is already over before it begins.   WAIT!   I know where the Main Water Supply for the BUILDING is.   If I turn it off for just a few moments…I’ll be able to remove the faucet, attach the new one, and have it all back up and on before anyone notices…..I’m  GENIUS! 

So…Main water off!   Old faucet Removed!   Everything is going according to plan AND the instructions that I’m reading.   Any wife would  ( should!) be proud.   I have even kept the mess to a minimum at this point.   The water in the supply lines has been neatly captured in a bin, so there is no puddle on the kitchen floor or under the sink.    At this point,  I need to enlist Cheryl's help.   You see…the area under the sink is only slightly smaller than a Loony Toon’s Mouse Hole.  I can reach under, but I can not reach over to hold the faucet in place to tighten things.  Cheryl is totally Apathetic,  Begrudgingly holding the faucet and asking redundant questions like, ”Hold it where?”  “How long is this going to take?”   “Show me again..”  What do I have to do again?”  

And then…..I notice the Water Supply Lines do not match up with the faucet connections.   I’m not sure why the hot water supply line is so short, but it does not reach to even the lowest connector.    Best I can do is move the faucet a bit and hook it up to the other side….meaning that we will have the water lines switched.   It does not matter as it is a single lever anyway and we will probably deal with it by adjusting our behavior.  I thread the threads with Teflon tape and tighten them with the wrench… ( Being careful not to Over tighten…as the instructions instructed.)…...It is all hooked up and ready to go….Let’s turn on the water.

The problem with turning on the water from kitchen supply line under the sink and turning on the water from the supply line for the building…is the pressure….and the delay reaction time you have from discovering that things are   “Bad”.   I turn on the water and instantly trigger a flash flood in our kitchen!   Cheryl alerts me….Slightly too late….that “something is “wrong”.    I race out to turn off the water and come back to have a look…..of course…now the leaks are from everywhere and water is all over the kitchen floor.   Cheryl is particularly helpful here….”Where is the leak coming from?”  Her response:   I don’t know…everywhere!

Panic sets in as the neighbors open their doors and begin asking about the water to the building.   I hastily explain the situation and ask for 15 minutes for me to finish things up.   The problem I’m not revealing is that there is no way to turn the water back on without flooding my kitchen.   My two water supply lines under my sink are stuck open….and Menards is 45 minutes drive away….I don’t even know if I will be able to remove the main lines and keep them from leaking.  

By this time,  I’m soaked!   I’m rolling around in water trying to stop the froth as if I could do it with my hands alone……I’m sitting in pool of dirty water, frantically looking for tools while elevating my vocal spectrum and lowering my vocabulary standards.   Cheryl is annoyed.

There are, again,  Two options……One:   Call the Land Lords and explain the desperate situation to them…..Hopefully they are not in Florida and Hopefully they WILL come over immediately with spare parts they have lying around their maintenance sheds.  This, of course,  ALSO means that I am admitting defeat and will have to admit to being an idiot for even attempting such a thing.  It’s ok,   I play the idiot part very well…what is one more incident on my resume’?

OR   Option two:   Call in Cheryl.   Cheryl….knows NOTHING of plumbing.    She does not want to get dirty.   She does not want to get wet.   She Barely knows how to use tools.    This seems like a no brainer….except….Cheryl has a very DEEP Seeded desire to NOT involve the Landlords in ANYTHING!   Especially things we did not receive permission for.   

To be fair…I’m a MUCH BETTER Assistant than she is.    When she wants me to help, I hold the light;  Turn on the water when she tells me;   Turn OFF the water when she tells me;  And basically try to help out in whatever way I can.    She is smaller and fits in the “Tom and Jerry” sized crawl space under the sink  much better than I do.

She removes the Teflon tape,  threads the nuts finger tight   (  No tools,  no stop leak,  no instructions, no Professionalism!!!!!)  and it’s  FIXED!   No leaks.   HOW? There is no thread sealing tape!  The nuts are only connected finger tight!    She does not know….She just tells me that I can’t touch anything…..I obey. 

So.   I somehow cross and navigate every hurdle placed before me,  except the last one…where I trip and face plant miserably.    Cheryl comes in and saves the day…again.  No skill.  No instructions.  No Landlords!  We now have a new kitchen faucet….that works without leaks…but still has the hot and cold lines mixed up.   Ah well.   We will adjust.  Only slightly worse than that is the fact my Hero Status has been tarnished yet again.   I’ll get over it….Perhaps being a hero is overrated anyway.  I was looking forward to a relaxing evening.   I’ll have to remember that next time I attempt to fix something.

National Novel Writing Month

   Bah,  I’m signing up.   I have not written a “novel” for a while now and I have several stories bouncing around in my head lately.   With November around the corner, and receiving a fortune cookie that said: “ Your efforts will be rewarded!”,  I decided I would take a stab at giving it another go.  

Now,  I already have about 20 pages of this one story already written.   So I have a bit of a head start for the kick off time.  However,   I have had these 20 pages for almost a full year now…. .only visiting them now and then when I’m insanely bored….( which is rare)  My hope is that by holding a certain level of accountability to myself…and a web site/blog,  I will be able to power through the laziness and actually finish it.   Or at least have a working model that I can polish up later.  

Having a head start by no means implies that I will have a cheat.   I once had already read the first novel in our English Literature class.   So I skipped that and began to read the second novel on the list.   It did not take long for me to fall behind in the reading.   What can I say?  I’m a slow reader.   And  motivation for me comes around rarely.  I will probably have to dig deep to finish this one.   Unlike the One September Night I wrote several years ago.  

I would like to make a comparison to Cheryl’s achievements and goals.   Her goal is to run in the Boston Marathon….Ultimately running all five of the World Marathon Majors.   She started small and has worked her way up to achieve a respectable Boston Qual Time.   However,  it started with a simple desire to run 26.2 miles in under 4 hours.    My goal will be to write 50,000 words in 30 days.  That is a little less than 2000 words a day….assuming I will be able to write a little everyday.  Or get called up for a Trial…. ( Speaking of which,   there is one on Tuesday.  So I have to call on Monday Night to see if it is still on.  Yeah, Jury Duty!)

So that is all….I will hopefully report my progress as I trudge onward to conquer 50,000 words.  Maybe a plot point will excite me enough to even blog about it.  We shall see.   Now all I really have to do is find the time.   I have so much going on….with the bike riding, kite flying, and video gaming….I’m not sure how much time this novel writing will consume.  It is difficult to prioritize  things when they are ALL of equal importance.  It is hard work being a sloth.

Perhaps someone else reading this may want to challenge themselves to writing 50,000 words in 30 day as well.   Find the Link here at : http://nanowrimo.org/dashboard . I won’t be so conceited or corny as to restate the cliché’:  “ If I inspire just one person….. “   Ugg!   Come on!  Really?   Who says these things?  ( Hint:  EVERYONE!   Including Miss America)   I’m slightly more self centered in that I want to keep this all to myself.  I want bragging rights that set me apart from people and I surely seek NO inspirational role in all this….Only money.    I can even do without the fame….Just the Cash…. .assuming I’m even good enough to ever get published.  I guess there is always “self-publishing”…Who cares…as long as my Chinese Fortune comes true and the reward comes with $$$’s  before  it.

The Never Ending Activity of Cheryl

Today…it struck me.  Cheryl really IS my better half.   How do I know?   ( or rather,  What finally allowed me to reach this conclusion?)  Simply watching her today, I notice that she is always on the move.   Always active;   Always doing something….  Laundry, dishes, rice cooking, sewing stockings, and answering questions on Etsy.  She cleans things….even things that are already “clean” by my standards.  Add in that we ran just over 9 miles today ( because she was not feeling she had the time for a longer run!)  And you see what I’m getting at.  

In her “spare time”,  she reads books, sets up travel and racing events, and shops for clothes…all online.  Just watching her makes me exhausted!   Where does she get all this energy?    Well,  I know she would credit her vegetable and fruit diet…..something she picked up along with the running bit.   I guess it is like peanut butter and Jelly…..They just often go together.   They don’t have to!…..But most people will eventually pair them up for the best lunch food for children. 

That being said,  I reflect upon myself and see that…without Cheryl,  I would lead a sad and boring life.   I would live my entire life simply playing video games and folding origami.   In other words, I would be content…..for the most part.  Similar to a sloth!   And that is depressing over the long run.  Like a self imposed prison sentence….only without the weights and tattoos.  ( and Other things…)

I say all this, possibly because it has been an overcast and gloomy day today.  Actually for the last several days.  I didn’t get a chance to fly my kite over the last several days, and that adds to my depression a bit.  What can I say?  It’s my therapy.  The 5 minutes of kite time I attempted today, only ruined my kite!   The rain held off until my kite finally got sky bound….  (Paper kites and rain do not mix well.)

All that,  And there has been very little to blog about lately.  No races, disasters, or situational comedies to report to the cloud about.  The only thing that occupies my time lately is Don’t Starve….a video “survival game” I play.   It’s fun,  and I am revisiting it after  almost a year of separation.   It’s a Puzzle that I can unlock and try to make my own.   And it allows me to keep my brain occupied so I don’t think about the inevitable doom that befalls all of humanity….

So,  Hopefully everyone else is having a better week.   I should mention that we had Lunch with Barb yesterday.   A welcome break in the “typical” week.  We socialize so infrequently that even a simple lunch is a “Big Event”.  It was fun!   

So now, Cheryl has finished the stockings, answered the questions, and was planning on scoring a project that she qualified for yesterday.   ( She is totally super human!)    While I eat leftover zucchini bread and play my video game.  A striking opposite to her hard work and determination. (And superior diet and exercise regiment…)  Ah well, Opposites attract, right?  Or perhaps the shift in creativity, discipline, and motivation have tipped over to her side now, since we share a common existence.   I like to think that both of us are in a small boat in the middle of the ocean,  where leaks and strong winds effect us together.   Right now,  the wind is in Cheryl's side of the boat….and I’m enjoying the ride.

Jury Duty? What Gives?

I know,  I should be elated that I get to perform my civil duty and go to Jury duty….However….
First:   the problem.   I pushed back my duty until after the Stocking season had passed….Jan 5, 2016. Everything was all well and good, until I get a summons yesterday.  There is a trial on Tuesday of next week and I am supposed to be on it.    Obviously there is a mix up.
I call, yesterday.   The lady says I must have been an oversight on their part and just before I can give her my name and information,  my phone dies….Hmmm Is the Universe trying to tell me something? 
I call up today,  figuring I was off the hook for now and only had to make sure everything was in order…again!    This time I get someone else…..Who says I’m not even in the system!   WHAT?   I filled out the information online,  got the print out in front of me…..Why am I not there?  I took an hour to fill out all of my information and reasons why I needed the deferral.    She tells me that only a judge can excuse someone.   Obviously,  there is a missing or confused link here.   Hurray for GOVERNMENT!
So,  After hashing things out with the lady on the phone,  Looks like I’m going to end up going to the court house anyway to figure out what is going on and how things can be remedied.   On one hand, I think,   I should just attend this trial and bee good for the remainder of my time.   ( since a month has gone by already and I apparently missed a call up already!)   However,  that would still put me on the hook during prime Stocking season…..Not the best time to take a risk of that magnitude. 
On the other hand,  there is much less going on in January….but that might be the time when people will most likely be called up.   I know my Brother would say, just show up and act like a crazy person….Well,  I don’t want to do that….Nor do I want to pay $500 or 6 months in jail for ignoring things.   I just find it funny that I get called up during the most inconvenient time….since we only have one car and Cheryl will be stranded at home without me.  I guess Jury Duty is NEVER convenient for people with “lives” so that is why no one likes being yanked out of their routine to perform a civic duty. 
I’ll have to make a Phone call tomorrow, but it is highly probable that I will have to go there on Tuesday no matter what the outcome is.   I should just stop fighting and swim with the tide I guess.  Rolling with the punches is probably the better answer.   We shall see.  Oh, And hopefully I won’t be in trouble for not showing up for the first trial….fingers crossed!  

Cheryl’s Addiction Withdrawal……

      Cheryl…has developed a minor injury.   She tied her shoes too tight on a Monday Training run and seems to have irritated a tendon on the top part of her ankle.  She experiences pain when running,  even when running slowly, but not while walking.   A number of lessons can be taken away from this that could prove useful in the future….namely:  Don’t run the day after you run a half marathon race.  Also,  Don’t tie your shoes too tight.   Try not to run at record pace on a training run.   Remember  to take a day off sometime during the week,  preferably after a long run.   Try listening to your Husband occasionally,  He really is not a loser.   And never lose money……

Ok, that last one does not need an injury to be useful, but you get the gist of it.  

But what is really the lesson I have discovered…is that Cheryl is an Addict!    She is addicted to running!   How do I know?   WITHDRAWL!   For the last two days,   she has been jumpy, irritable, hostile, and agitated.   All she can do is pace back and forth and talk about her next run….in a short, quick, stammering way. Most of the things she talks about do not make any sense.   Sound familiar?   All the classic symptoms of someone addicted to hard drugs…looking for that next fix.

Of course I blame myself.   What could I have done better?  Why did I let this get out of hand.   How could this happen from a seemingly healthy life choice?   I try to be a good husband.   But I see that I have been an “Enabler”.   And now I have to deal with the consequences. 

We tried to run today…but there was nothing to be done about the ankle.   The irritation flared up the moment she broke into a stride.  Even She has to come to grips that running may have to be put off for several  additional days.   This does not make her happy, of course.  She does not run for the “high” anymore…she does it “Just to feel Normal.”  So depression has to be fought off while she takes a break and tried not to eat Ice-cream.

Other than that,   I got an interesting message today in the mail telling me that I had to report for Jury Duty….Tuesday!   ( Unless the trial is resolved on Friday.  This puzzles me a bit as I thought I had DEFERRED my duty until JANUARY 2016!   I’m going to give them a call at the court house to see if they missed the memo on my deferment.  Fingers crossed that I will NOT have to go to trial next week.   The reason I deferred it to begin with was because we are in prime time stocking season and can not be yanked from it at this time of year.   After Christmas,  I will have plenty of time to listen and pass judgment.

Bit by a Ladybug

   So today,  I was out on the lawn, minding my own business, when I ladybug bit me.  
Now I love all God’s Creatures…great and small.   But Ladybugs should be at the top of the “love” list since they have been occasionally munching on the aphids that harass my sunflowers…Unless they munch on me instead. 
Now it is no secret to me that Ladybugs bite.   I have witnessed swarms of them in Michigan in the forest and washed up along the Lake.  And they bit me and Cheryl  as we walked down the trail.  It is actually a sight to behold, seeing thousands of Ladybugs all in one place.  My first thought was that these are exotic species that are giving the natives a bad rap.  AND that they were probably from Europe. ( From Transylvania…) But alas…They are from Asia.  And even though they are not venomous or aggressive.  They still occasionally chomp on humans.   I guess for fun or curiosity.   Similar to sharks, they tell me. ( so says Shark Week…)   Sharks don’t want to eat humans..they just want to see what they are…and they do that by chewing them up and spitting them out.   With that being said, I would rather be bitten by a ladybug than a shark….Not that I want to be bitten by either to begin with.   At least with Stag beetles, you KNOW they will chomp you if you get too close.   Ladybugs hide that inner carnivore under that cute little red spotted shell.
In addition to that,  Last night we enjoyed the celebratory beer from Des Moines: BridgeBuilder Pale Ale.   Judging from the bottle,  I’m guessing it is a Micro Brew….but it was still pretty good.  Don’t expect much else other than a citrusy taste.  The Alcohol content was not listed, but I’m guessing it was pretty low.  Not bad if you are looking for a relaxing beer after work…or a half marathon.    
And just before posting this,  Cheryl wanted me to show off what we made for dinner.   Well, it is not really original.  We pretty much eat like this every night.   I can’t help it if I like to make food look pretty.  Cheryl makes fruit Sushi stuffed with raspberries, bananas and cream cheese.  I like pretty much anything in mine.  But these guys have cream cheese, avocado and smoked salmon. With black sesame seeds or color and a nutty flavor.   The Pork buns are from a local Asian store.   Seeing the amount of effort it takes to make these guys,  I figure it is easier and cheaper to just buy them from the Asian market.  ( topped with eel sauce.. Yumm!)
So…a typical day in the life of us.   We sold several stockings, but no one likes to talk about work, right?  Hope everyone is having a great week so far….at least Monday is mostly over now.   Enjoy!

Des Moines Half Marathon Success!

   What a wonderful day for a race!   It started cold, but hovered in the 50 degree range for most of the race.   Cheryl met her goal of beating 1:40 half marathon….by scoring a 1:38:50 for 13.1 miles!   She scored 5th over all for her age group.  (  Sorry Charlie,  No age trophy this time…..) So lets begin with the events as they unfold…

 

 

   We arrived early so we could secure a close ( and free!) parking spot.  We checked out of the hotel, figuring that we would not have enough time to come back and shower before check out time.   Besides,  we only live 2.5 hours away form Des Moines…..Locality has it’s advantages…

We scoped out the area…simple enough to navigate a city like this.   Much easier than Twin Cities…let me tell you!  The start AND finish both were located on the bridge crossing the Des Moines river.  Picturesque; for those of us who wanted to capture the autumn  color along the water.  being just under 40 degrees at the beginning, we decided to hang out in the car where it was warm until about a half hour before the race was supposed to kick off. 

With everything ready,  Cheryl removed her outer warm up gear and gave them to me.   I walked a few hundred yards from the start and waited for the gun…It was pretty routine by now.        For this reason, I think I like the half Marathon far better in logistical challenges.   Namely,  even I can handle the 13.1 run easier than the 26.2.   As Cheryl passed by, I ran to the one mile mark and readied to catch her at a second location.  It was my only other chance, besides at the finish…

As the Elites ran by,  Cheryl was close on their heals.   I guess there were not as many “serious” runners at this marathon/half marathon. The majority of them ran the half and many of them ran that at an 8 minute per mile pace.  ( not bad…but not “serious”)   Cheryl, on the other hand,  Wanted to be “serious” on this…possibly the last competitive race this year.   Sure, there will be a Turkey Trot later, but how serious can you be about a 5K?

I waited on the bridge just before the Finish.   I was able to see the first male and female finisher….and capture a couple of other cool things…Like a guy Juggling.   Who juggles while running a half marathon?   AND comes in under 1:20?!?!?   Talk about focus!

So Cheryl came in and I knew she had the time she was looking for.  She said it was possibly one of the best races yet.  The colors were out and the temperature ended up being perfect for runners.  I took her picture before she scurried off to gather more fruits and treats.  ( Ah, the advantage of being  one of the runners…)   

She suggested that we stick around for a bit while the elites for the Full Marathon finished.   It is a rare thing…even for me…to see the top elites finish a race.    Usually they are finished by the time I get in position to see Cheryl cross the line.  With runners from the half marathon still on the course,  the Police escort had to beep people over so the top marathoner could have a clear way to the finish.  These guys from Kenya and Ethiopia make it look so effortless….but as I look over the pictures, the look like they are flying!

The Top female came in 8th overall for the Full Marathon.   She also set a new course record.   But enough about the elites….let’s talk more about Cheryl.

Cheryl came in at 1:38:50…. She was the 5th female in her age group, besting 344 others in  that category.  290 over all place out of 4718 total participants. ( finishers) Not too bad.   Her overall pace was 7:33 minute miles.  Her best mile ( a new record) was 7:06!   She now terrifies me,  knowing that she could easily outrun me ( perhaps even in my prime Army years!)  in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse.   I may have to get in better shape if I don’t want to become Zombie food.

So, after cheering on the elites,  we jumped in the car and came home in record time.   It was over so quickly, I’m still having a difficult time trying to remember everything that happened.   But I’m happy to be back home….I never sleep very well at a hotel.   I’m hoping for a lazy day tomorrow as we recover from the event and sew up three stockings we sold over the weekend.  Routines can be boring, but after a break in the norm,   they can be nice to get back into . 

So, Hopefully everyone else has been having a wonderful day today.   I’m surprised there was no frost on the car this morning, but there was yesterday.   Falll has officially arrived here in Wellman.  I’m sure we will have to bundle up for future runs as the temps continue to drop.  But now that the competitive Marathon Season is at a close,  And with the Boston Qual time secured,  Cheryl can now run her next races for fun and enjoyment instead of new best times.   But that probably won’t stop her from trying to light up the track anyway.   We shall see.