Why Bandaids Suck!

Am I the only one?

You need help applying them?

Is it just me,  or does anyone else out there feel that the design of the common bandaid is flawed?   Not in their anti-microbial properties, or the ability to stop a gusher from draining your life away....  I mean in the execution of the delivery system.   Meaning:   How do you get the thing ON???? Without a team of Paramedics to help with the application!!!

Seriously NOT this easy. 

Seriously,   find a Bandaid...  I know you have one somewhere in your medicine cabinet...  And try to unwrap it with both hands.   Difficult...Right?     Now try it with one of your hands behind your back...   (Let's assume you have a scrape on that hand... or that hand is busy keeping your open wound from splattering blood all over the white towels. )  One hand application is  IMPOSSIBLE! 

And then she kisses it?  eww!

I know that the Bandaid companies will assume that your Mother is going to help you with the application.   ( And then kiss it to make it all better...)  But my Mom is long gone... and she never would have kissed it anyway. ( Gross!)  So I have to do all of my own self surgery by myself.

Nope!  Not that easy...

Are they Fashionable? 

The advertisements for Bandaids make it look foolproof.   But trust me,  no one totally unwraps the Bandaid and then sticks it on like a piece of tape.   The material will curl and stick on its self.  All  while you are turning the bath towels a new color and into a "bio-hazard...".

Sometimes the cats scratch me a
little. 

So why the rant?    Well,   Between cats, sharp knives, thorn bushes, Subie repairs, and general clumsiness with  dull shavers... I cut myself... a LOT!  And I don't flag down Cheryl every time I have a BooBoo.    I man up..  rub some dirt in it and fumble with the bandaids...  (Only if duct tape is not available.)   And I know that I should not feel like it is a challenge to do something  every housewife in America can do blindfolded....  But I do!   (Even with  two college degrees!   They never gave me "Bandaid 101" in college.)

This is when Cheryl comes in handy.. 

The thing is,  Cheryl usually helps me  mostly because she does not like the kitchen or bathroom looking like a murder scene.  There is nothing more humiliating than your wife having to open the bandaid package and applying a bandaid... and then kissing it.  ( Something Cheryl never does anyway.  ( Gross!)

4 out of five Evil Villains agree...
Hello Kitty is not manly. 

Not very manly. 

Add on to that that Cheryl's Idea of Bandaids are the Cute Hello Kitty ones..  Nothing screams masculinity better than a pink Hello Kitty Bandaid on my face.

Slightly better. 

  Personally, I like the "Heroic Bandaids"...  But they are still bandaids.... regardless of the coloring.  ( Only if duct Tape is not available...)

But does it work?   Yes! 

Just ask this guy. 

Mostly,  I like Superglue.   Superglue is the BEST for small abrasions...  (Before any blood fountains can happen.)  I use it for most cat attacks.    The only problem is having enough in supply.  Also,  Super glue kind makes the wound look worse than it really is.   (Purely cosmetic,  but people will think you were attacked by a lion.)

It only looks this bad.... 

Nothing says "Rambo" like field
surgery on yourself.

 I know you may be thinking that unscrewing the cap and hoping that the glue has not dried up is on par with unwrapping a Hello Kitty Bandaid in your kitchen...  and sometimes it may seem that way.   But the manliness of gluing a gash closed is on par with Rambo suturing up his arm in the First Blood Movie!  Total Baddie Macho-Manliness Man!  Someone I want to grow up to be someday.

But they still suck
when trying to get them
unwrapped! 

Thumbs Up for Better Bandaids...

So maybe Bandaid people will read this and think," Hey!  He's right!   100 years and they still look the same as they did back in the caveman days...."  Maybe they will design them to be a spray or a "slap and wrap" application.  Understanding that not everyone has a mother to help them stop the hemorrhaging.  We pump our own gas,  serve our own food, and brush our own teeth.....  why not help us perform our own minor surgeries?   Is that too much to ask?