The "JOYS" And "BENEFITS" Of Getting Older...

How did they get this number? 

Today, I received my first formal invitation to the highly-prized, exclusive Club of Old People... Also known as the AARP.   Apparently, I have been "missing out" on all of the benefits of being Old, simply by being  too"Young!"   And IF I join their little "old person" Club,  I get a plethora of benefits...

There are Benefits to Being "Old?"

 Like Huge Discounts on meals, hotels, pills, walkers, pills, Wheelchairs, eye prescriptions, and medical visits to the local Walgreens or CVS.  ( Assuming they are on the list of businesses that participate.


Of course, it will cost $16 a month for these little perks.

But what if I'm an AARP member? 

But I don't eat at Restaurants. 

But what is $16 a month if I can get a McDonalds Coffee for 65 cents?   It will practically pay for itself after 32 days!  ( Unless there are less than 32 days in  each month..  Then I still may have to buy something else to make it worth my while.)  -quick calculator moment-  Yep!  I will definitely have to spend more money to "save" money.  How does that work, again?

There is, of course, more...  than the Cheap Coffee at Mcdonalds,  or a  Free chocolate chip cookie at Pannera.    I can get a discount on Groceries...  that I don't forage for myself.  I also get an insulated Tote if I act NOW!   The literature describes it as "roomy" for all of my needs.   Which begs the quesion:   Will it hold a several dozen pounds of Mushrooms, Berries, Beer and a Cat?  I'm curious to find out.

Do they still have Movie Theaters? 

Yes, in less than a month,  I will be on the "Near Side of Fifty"   Or just "Fifty"  for those who don't get the joke.   The Big Five Zero!  It is nice to know that the Zeitgeist has my information AND BIRTHDAY on their Rolodex.   And just when I thought I was a nobody....

I save even MORE money if I buy
two years!   $10 each year!  

I doubt I will subscribe to their "generous" membership.   I just did an online search. ( Because I have the letter here in front of me... and I CAN'T READ the Small Print!) . Turns out,  I could save $4 just by registering ONLINE!  Just how "OLD" do they think I am that I would not be familiar enough with computers to search for a cheaper price online?   HA!  The joke is on them.

Maitaki.. Good for EVERYTHING! 

Put this in my coffee
everyday....  

But seriously, I will have to try to keep myself healthy and as fit as I can so I don't require all those Prescriptions in the future.   I don't want to destroy my liver AND I don't want to pay any money for medications.   Even discounted ones are too expensive if I can cure everything by eating mushrooms.  ( specifically... Miatake!)

Wait!  They make a PILL?

Oh!  And Cheryl just noted that this must be yet another joke from 2020.  How can we be eligible for AARP when we still have Student Loans AND still live in a 600 sq ft apartment?   Before you judge me... I know I have made some bad choices in my life... okay?  I just think it is cruel to pretend  I didn't and give me a false sense of hope.
So yes,  In a few weeks, I will officially be at the Half Way point of my life. ( What?   Because I'm going to live to be 100...Duh!) And Although age does give me some wisdom and a certain level of immunity from unwanted sales pitches....  It does not mean I will be totally free of them all together.   It simply means I will have to deal with a new level of salesmanship.   Thanks for stopping in.