Driving Fast, Driving slow...

A intense topic of discussion came up this weekend over my ability to drive.   Specifically,  Cheryl thinks I drive too slow.   Like an Old man. Or a Turtle or something like that....

That's fine.    I think she drives too fast.... And reckless!  But I don't bring those topics up during family gatherings.   What can I say?  I'm just an awesome dude.  

But Cheryl brought it up that I drive too slow.   Sometimes just below the speed limit.   And I will admit that some of those allegations are true.   But most of them are slightly exaggerated for Comedic Value.   I know this because I do it all the time.

What shocked me the most was the Families ability to beat up on  their favorite In-law!  (Me!) They all agreed  with Cheryl that Driving slow was "dumb" and should never be done under any circumstances!   And when they said "Dumb," I can only assume they are referring to me in some way.  And everyone knows I'm not a complete idiot!   Except when it comes to fixing things... now and then....  Mostly...

Now, to be fair... Mom sided with me.  Mostly because she felt bad about the Miner clan Ganging up on me.   And I know that most of the Miner's are Speed Demons with lead feet.   And I am even willing to offer them a "gracious understanding" that each one of them had a specific scenario in mind when answering the "slow or fast" driver question.   Even I do not like getting stuck behind a slow driver.   That is a no brainer!

But I was talking about driving the posted speed and up to even 5-10 miles over under certain conditions.   That little detail never made it out, as the laughter and Ethan Bashing became quite deafening at times.  That is ok... I can take it.   And I know that Cheryl kept adding to the fire for Comedic value.   (Because that is something I would do!)  

So let me here and now, demonstrate why I am not, nor will I ever be offended by defending my ability to drive the posted speeds...  Here are some Reasons to drive a little slower:

  -Ever hit a Deer at 80 MPH?  Me either!  Know why?  Because I don't drive FAST!   Everyone knows  (Or will know eventually) that Deer are cute, brown, BIG, and dumb.   And they, for some unknown reason, love to play in the road along with Possums and Raccoons..  Usually at night when there is oncoming traffic with bright lights present.  The sound a deer makes when they hit your car and the pretty red picture they paint on the road and your hood might sound fun, but usually it is not.  Especially for the car.   But don't take it from me..... (since  I have never hit a deer....)  Take it from your close friend or relative or the State Highway Statistics Bureau.  And before you think smaller animals cause no damage,  ask Mr. Skunk about that..

  -Ever lose control on loose gravel or wet roads?   Perhaps there was snow or fog preventing you from seeing the road or car ahead of you.   Maybe  those conditions are not the best to fully rely on your braking power.   Hmmm...  Driving fast suddenly sounds kind of....  Let me think of the word.... DUMB?  The best part is paying the $120.00 dollar Towing bill to get out of the ditch after you slide off the road.   Assuming you will not have to have additional repairs done to your car.   Then again,   maybe you have lots and lots of money you can throw at your speed addiction. 

  -Did you know that driving over the posted limit is Illegal?  No way!  Yes, my friend.  Big Brother has come up with ways to protect you from yourself by passing laws to keep you safe.   Isn't that nice?   Well, As much as I dislike the Government and the Nanny state they impose on us.  I can at least agree that posting certain Speed LIMITS is probably a good thing.  Especially around hidden curves, construction sites, School zones, or dangerous cliffs.  Those areas might be good areas to keep the speeds low  so you do not kill yourself or others.    I will be the first to admit skepticism of the Government's good intentions.   Ever wonder how they are going to make up the difference for the "Defund the Police" scam?   That is right!   In an age of Looting, Riots, and Arson.   Why would the Police possibly enforce the 5-10 mile speed limit violation?  One word:  MONEY!  All those other crimes don't pay the bills as well as good old fashion traffic violations.  I'm just sayin'. 

  -Enjoy those high Car insurance rates.  You see, Traffic violations are the gift that keep giving!   Only instead of paying for the police and other Government pet projects, you get to help out the Private Sector Insurance companies as well.  It is a Win, Win  for everybody!.... Except you.   Unless you have lots of money to throw at your Speed addiction. 

  -Did you know that driving at slower speeds can increase fuel efficiency?   Now I am no Greenie!  And I know that the Planet will outlive us all, no matter how hot things get or how much carbon we toss up into the air.   But I DO enjoy saving money!  Especially with the high prices of Energy at the moment.   Driving just a little slower, or at least avoiding those lead foot tendencies will save you some cash by increasing the miles you get per gallon.  Unless you are Flush with money and can...well, you get it by now. 

  -Did you ever hear the interview with Dale Earnhart after he hit that wall in that Daytona race?   No?   Ever wonder why?   Maybe because he was going TOO FAST!   Speed kills!   Whenever a car hits a tree at 80 miles per hour,  bad things usually happen.   And not just to the tree. Seat belts and air bags can not prevent the laws of Physics.     And no amount of money will bail you out of this problem.  

  -And finally,  Why are you in such a Hurry?   Late for work?  Late for class?  Late for that Birthday Party?   Well,  No one is late to their own funeral.  Are the few minutes gained really worth the towing bill or car damage that might occur if you have an accident?   And that is the cheap stuff... What about your life?  Was risking your life worth getting to your soul crushing job on time or just a few moments early?   The medical bills will definitely make up for any lost pay that you incurred by being late.  It is easy to forget we are all mortal whenever we drive a car.   Especially when driving a Subaru!  (It's like being on an Angel's wings....)  But we are...And we should keep that in mind when taking speed risk.

Is that enough?   Have I made my point?   You know, I don't remember having the the Instructor in Driver's Ed  telling the 16 year olds to drive as fast as possible... Preferably 10 to 20 miles over the speed limit if the conditions are right.  In fact, we were told to drive the posted speed limits whenever possible.  Unless driving conditions changed.   And then... guess what?   SLOW DOWN!   Never speed up. 

Now before this gets any more Nanny Karen-ish, I will say that I understand "Maintaining the Flow of traffic."  Anyone who has driven in Chicago knows that.  ( Or L.A. If you are a West Coaster)  And I even understand driving on long flat stretches of road at a few miles above the posted speeds.  But I think there are more arguments for slowing down without being rude or inconsiderate to your fellow driver.

Oh!  And I just want to say that, for the Record:  I drive Silver Bullet Subie a little slower since he is approaching 20 years in age and has nearly 400,000 miles on him. You wouldn't make Grandpa Chop wood for 20 hours like he did when he was younger, now would you?  I love that car and am not willing to risk ending our relationship simply because I hit a bump at an un-recommend speed.  I'm sure there are other guys out there who coddle their cars a bit too much, but when you are they one paying for gas, speeding tickets, and repairs...  You may think twice before blazing around deer infested roads at night. 

But the REAL truth is.. Cheryl loves the Bean Subie.   It is zippy and fun to drive.   And It DOES want to drive at 80 miles per hour without you even knowing you are going that fast.  And when searching for a reason to drive instead of the other pilot,  it is probably not the best argument that "Ethan Drives Too Safe!"  No one would give you the keys under those circumstances.  (Hopefully!)  But I understand her desire to drive The Bean.  It is a Subaru, after all....

Besides,  I feel like I made my point.   Why did I not mention this yesterday?   Well, Look how long this post has become!!!   I did not have the time to think out these elegant prose in that debate.    And the  the real reason I'm ranting over this is because Tania ( The Outsider Sister-in-law)  felt bad ganging up and bullying me with the rest of the Miner Tribe.   How sweet.   No problems my dear!  I was not bullied.  I was RIGHT!  And being right instills confidence....  I think.