Ethan's Humiliating 1 Mile Walk Of Shame.

First of all, I feel I was misled.  And that really ticks me off.  I hate being set up for failure. It makes me look bad and upsets civilians at their breakfast. However, Cheryl says we are "Dedicated to Failure."  Usually this is in reference to life and various business decisions... But before I get ahead of myself, let's start from the beginning. 

Today, Cheryl and I attended the "Mile's In The Maize."  A 5K run for her and a One mile walk for Me, Cheryl and a friend from work. It was "a-Maize-ing" ly disappointing... for me mostly.  Because I was told that the one mile portion of the race was going to be a walk.  A walk through the corn field maze that was set up there. But instead, at the last minute... the race officials changed the "rules" and revealed that the one mile "walk" was going to be around the corn maze, instead of through it.  AND it was going to be timed. 

A "Timed Walk!?!?!"   Who times their walks?   Um...no one.   You only time runners.  Walkers know they are slow.  That is why it is called walking and not running. No one brags that they set a "New PR in the One Mile Walk."  unless you are really socially awkward at parties.

David and Me.. Ready to walk!

And so it goes that the rules where changed on a blustery, sub-50 degree day in the late autumn.  I wore walking clothes... not running clothes.  I am a Bike rider... Not a runner.  I was prepared for walking and talking, and catching up on old times with a friend that Cheryl also managed to convince to join us.  David Dickey.  I'm not entirely sure how David felt about the changes, but by the looks of his attire, he was also prepared for a relaxing walk through the corn maze, walking and talking to friends about the past Summer events. NOT a one mile race around the corn.

 

I'll skip the 5k run.   It was a run!  And Cheryl won her age group....again.  And won $50 bucks..  again.  

But after the 5k... and the Award ceremony.  The one Mile Walk through the Maze was to begin.  we gathered up only to be left behind the instant they said "GO!" People were off like a shot!  No baby strollers,  no dog walkers.  Just the three of us... in the back of the pack.   Pack?  Did I say pack?  There were only about 30 people that ran the 1 mile.  AND only three walkers... David, Cheryl, and me!

At first, I felt indignant. I was not going to be forced to run a walk, just because everyone else wanted to follow the herd.   But eventually the shame and humiliation of being DEAD LAST in a race that provided NO COVER for slow people began to creep up.   We hastened out pace to a "brisk walk" and even a light "jog" in certain areas.  Stationed along various off shoots were volunteers who would "cheer" you on as if you were accomplishing the impossible with your amazing walking skills.  Seriously... No need to cheer here.  It was only a mile and I think I will make it, thank you very much. 

Add in that there was a double loop, and the folks who we managed to get in front of.. took the finish line loop instead of doing a second loop around the field.   How do I know this?  Because the Golf cart that was following  the tail end suddenly was hurrying us along...  And those people were not behind us. ( nor did they pass us!)  In hind sight, we should have done the same thing... Blending into the other runners as they took the final loop turnout.  But no... We had to do the second loop... Entirely alone!  With the "Clean Up" Golf Cart Following right behind us.... Cheering us all along the way as if that last 1/4 miles was a major accomplishment. 

The After Party After Party.  With Food!

So we finished.   Cheryl made us "hobble" along the final pumpkins to cross the finish.  I got a medal, a  T-shirt, a Pumpkin, and No Donut! ( they were ALL GONE by the time we got to the finish line.)   And the joy of finishing dead last in a one mile walk.. where no one else walked!  So technically, they were the ones not following the rules. 

Had I known it was going to be a run... First: I would not have been talked into signing up.  Second:  I would have worn more sporting clothes. ( shorts, better shoes, no jacket... etc.) And Finally: I would have trained and actually Tried!  No one wants to be last.   I would have made sure I at least outran some little kid in the final stretches.  

Well, maybe this is a sign that I should never run a race.  Not that that was ever on one of MY bucket lists.  But if it were.. And I was serious about it.  I would train first.  And Know the Rules.  Who would want to attend a bike ride across America, only to find out they changed it to a Run?

So that is all I have for venting now.  The medal they handed out is more like a Badge of Dishonor instead of a Medal of Achievement. Perhaps Bling would mean more if it had a better memory attached to it. Oh!  And did I mention Cheryl won $50 bucks?  It's a gift card for Shoes, but  Money is Money. 

A side note.  Mike and Pam Zakosek finished their Marathon and half marathon respectively. Mike's timing chip must have not triggered the first mat during the Marathon, because the Tracking App said he was still at the finish line. That is a lot of "Runner's Jargon" to say, we were worried he had either missed the race, or had not triggered the official Timer, so his race would not "count."  But in the end, it all worked out and they were successful.  We hope they have a safe trip home after a long day.  

Come to think of it, running those distances makes my rant seem small and petty.  But I'm a writer!  And this is my blog, were I make mountains out of molehills,  Jungles out of un-mowed lawns, and   kittens out of roaring, prehistoric tigers. It's a gift I choose to share with the world.  But for now, I will be downing my depression by eating a pint of ice cream.  Thanks for stopping in.

Shaggy Caps, Muscatine, Turquoise Berries, and Halloween Chalk.

There!  I think the title says it all.  Today, while biking in Muscatine, we finally found some Shaggy Caps in the usual spots.   We even found a few in some new spots.   Most of them were still harvest-able , but a few had already gone to spore.  Fun fact: Ink caps are unique in that they release their spores as they decay.  a cool process with a cool name: "Deliquesce"   Next time you want to look cool knowing trivia,  shout out that word... if you can pronounce it properly.

We filled my pockets and they are currently in the freezer waiting for the next time I make soup. ( tomorrow maybe....) I love these mushrooms. In fact, these were the first mushrooms I ever "Dared" to eat, having NO ONE to hold my hand to make sure I did not poison myself.  Oh, I did a LOT of research before hand, but eventually, you have to take that leap of faith.  I have never looked back with regret yet. 

Cheryl noted these odd colored berries at the end of our driveway.   I thought they might be wild grapes, but they have no taste to speak of.  They are pretty though, and Cheryl is probably hatching a plan to make some wreath out of them for the fall. I just liked the color.  It is not every day you see a berry that shade of blue. 

And finally, we finished 9 stockings today and I had a few hours of sunlight to go chalking in the park.  However, it turns out the park was preparing for a Halloween party in the building.   The guy setting things up told me I had about an hour and a half  before the party kicked off... So I quickly scribbled up a set of pumpkins.   I barely finished before a crowd began to form.  A couple of the parents even helped with some ideas.  It is rather simple, and sloppy, but it was fun fitting in at least one last chalk day before the weather goes colder.  

Thanks for stopping in.   We have some pumpkin patch run tomorrow.  a couple of friends will be running a Marathon in Ohio as well.   We wish them both lots of luck.   And beer!  Don't forget the beer.  

What do Dogs, Runners, and Subarus have in Common? They Love the Rain!

I had a huge post of rain jokes and stories about today... but it is late.  And I have forgotten most of what I had written in my brain.  So....  Just the facts.  

It rained today.  It is raining now.  It may rain this weekend.  And possibly tomorrow morning.   In any case, it does not stop us from running out in it.   Do we have a death wish?  Anyone ever heard of Pneumonia?  Apparently, not Cheryl.  Oh, sure!  I did my bit for misery back in the Army and Hunting days.  But those days are long past me.  I have slipped into "Old Man Mode" and find a warm bed far more comfortable than a wet bike seat. 

It was nice though.  Minus the wind ,and rain, and clouds.  I'm sure it would have been a nice day. The trail was mostly vaccant, except for the dog walkers  who owned  Subarus.  Is that a common thread? Subaru Owners walking their dogs or wives in the rain?  I think that somehow says something about Subaru owners.  And I'm leaning towards the "good" things.   Maybe crazy?

Stockings have been picking up.   We did 25 yesterday. Today was only 7, but there were questions.  And Cheryl is beginning her "let's get stockings done" phase as we continue to run and bike closer to home.   

I'll keep this short, since I forgot the eloquent prose I had written in my mind several hours ago.   And no one really wants to read a long post about nothing mid week.   I'll have more to say on the weekend when we do some Corm Maze run, Cheryl found on Craig's List.  I'm sure it will be worth the $35 bucks that we spent for a T shirt and a pumpkin. Runner's are an odd breed. 

Hope everyone is staying warm and dry where ever you live.  Even if the weather has turned more Spring like, rather than Fall.   Hey!  At least the Snow is not falling yet!  ( knock on wood!)   Thanks for stopping in.

The Totally Awesome Hedge Ball!

Following Mulewing's lead,  I have been wanting to post a number of pics of unusual natural plants fungi and fruits  that I have gathered over the weeks  but simple find no time to post them.  Cheryl just HAS To run every weekend... and that eats up all of my time and mojo for blogging. But... I'm killing time between conversations for Christmas stockings, and thought I would post a quick post about the hedge balls. 

Hedge balls.  I had never seen one before we came to Iowa.   We had no idea where they came from or what they even where.  IT is never immediately obvious from which tree they fall from, since they roll, kids throw them, and the trees are usually fairly sparse when fruiting.  But,  we find them, especially on windy days.  Along the bike paths and sidewalks around home.  This day we found them on the bike path. 

They say they keep spiders out of windows and door corners.   I don't know if that is true or not, but whenever we see one, we bring it home and put it near our door.  Spiders around here are scary enough.  No need to encourage them if we can help it. 

Stockings were brutal today .  Sure, it was only about 25.  But it seemed like a lot more. And there are lots of Questions that I am still answering.  So, I'll try to keep this posting short.   Post the Hedge balls, a stocking or two, and my latest short-lived sidewalk drawing.  It rained HARD yesterday, so it is completely gone by now.   But on the blog... It will live forever! 

Thanks for stopping in.

Using Hypothermia Possitively. Cheryl Runs the 5 Mile Pumpkin Dash.

If you are like me, making friends is rather difficult.  Mostly because I don't lump "acquaintances" and "friends" into the same camp.   How do you separate them?  Easy!  First I ask them if they will help me move on a Saturday.  If they pass that test,  I then ask them if they will help me move a body on Superbowl Sunday... 

Now you may be thinking it is no wonder I have so few friends.  But compare that to Cheryl's tactic:  Invite fellow runners to run 5 miles  in near freezing rain conditions.  Yeah... My method does not seem so bad now.. Does it? 

It was cold yesterday, but at least it was dry and sunny in the afternoon.  Today, however,  it has been raining all day.  ( ALL day!  It is currently raining now (6 pm)  and it has never let up.)And not a light drizzle...   It is windy and cold and there are flash flood warnings for the area.  Did I mention it was cold?  Low 40's!  Perfect for catching your death of pneumonia..  Or some other ailment not sanctioned my the Chinese Communists Party.

And on this day,  Cheryl had signed up for a 5 miles pumpkin run.  And then invited our new  running "acquaintances"  (Mike and Pam) to join us.  Not only was it cold, dark, and wet.. it was also about a 2 hour drive for them!  And still they showed up to compete.   This... is impressive.  So perhaps we should move them over to the "friend" category after all. 

If nothing else, it was good practice for being miserable.  Something we used to train for in the Army all the time. We linked up with them in the pavilion near the race and picked up our bibs and shirts.  It did not take long for the festivities to begin. 

The start was cold, wet, miserable... Oh wait, I think I already said that.  At least they kept the formalities  to a minimum and just shot the gun off to send the runners running.  Even with my Goretex, I was soaked enough to  make life unbearable.   Everything below my knees and elbows was wet, cold and numb.  I can only imagine what the runners were feeling. 

The race was two loops around the Island park.   Luckily, there was no traffic to speak of, and the route was paved.  I waited by the half way point for Mike, Cheryl and Pam to run by, capturing them as they passed.   I counted 17 runners, including the front female elite, ahead of Mike, and called them out as he ran  by. 

Cheryl was the 9th female runner, so I told her as she ran by.   

I waved at Pam and cheered her on when she passed by. 

On the final lap,  Mike was trailing the first female by just a few yards.   I cheered him on to Crush her in the final stretch, but he did not want to break her spirit.  Just kidding. He was actually thinking he would kick closer to the end, but did  not realize they had moved the finish line up from the start line.   Basically, he ran out of track before he could begin his final sprint. 

Cheryl, on the other hand, managed to climb a few spots and hang on to her lead, crushing the spirit of the woman that was just behind her. Well done Honey!  Demoralizing the competition and claiming your hard earned prize over their shattered souls. (Finally...Instead of having it happen to you... again...)

Pam Comes in for the Finish.

But all kidding aside, all three of the runners managed to survive the ordeal and we all had some cookies and hot cocoa afterwards.  Thankfully, everyone had a spare set of clothing to change into after the race.  It appeared that many of the other runners had the same idea, as they changed into dry clothes and shoes while we waited for the awards to be announced. 

Did I mention there was money on the line at this race?  No medal, but money?  That sounds good.

Mike missed winning the "Grand Master" award by just a little bit. Even with him placing in the top 20 ( I think... I counted only 17 people in front of him) He also missed winning his age group award by just a few yards, as  the guy he was chasing was in his age group. ( see above explanation on Mike's tactical failure...) 

Cheryl, on the other hand, won the "Female Master" division just a few feet in front of the woman in her age group.   $40 bucks!   The lady behind Cheryl was trying her best to pass Cheryl in the final straight away.   But Cheryl held on. ( Finally...  Instead of having it happen to her... again.) 

Pam won an Age group award for her performance too.  Which was no easy feat!  The biggest Challenge at this race was clearly the weather. Anyone who managed to survive that ordeal should pat themselves on the back and tell that story over an open fire next time they are at camp.  Because, adventure stories are more real and terrifying  if you have actually lived through them!

As for me,  the lazy, out of shape spectator. I managed to "win" an award as well. ( Mike gave me one of his  extra ones.)  Quite frankly I was happy with the free cookies and hot chocolate.  But I think I find a use for this major award by using it on my new bike.  It just so happens to currently need a water bottle at the moment.  And even though I did not run the race, I did manage to get a small case of hypothermia while snapping pictures.  (IF you think wet shoes and socks are grounds for Hypothermia.) 

So there it is.   Cheryl's new friends pass the Hypothermia test and I won an award!   How awesome is that?   Oh!  And Cheryl won some money... again!  Which is pretty cool too.  We later went out for burgers and discussed future running plans and capers.  These guys now want us to run some marathon relay with them.  Perhaps this is their test for us?    Who knows.  But I still think moving a body would be an easier method to judge someone's character and commitment. 

But then again, runner's seem to have different standards.

Hope everyone is staying warm and dry on this blustery cold and wet evening.  The Fall color is in full swing this weekend here in Iowa.  And if the wind continues, I'll bet the leaves will not last long. Thanks for stopping in.