A Farewell To Phil...

That is correct. It is with a deeply saddened heart to report that  Phil   Er, I mean: The guy who is in the Witness Protection Program will soon be leaving the Herd for the Bright Red Warehouse over The Great Horizon...  

Don't be fooled by that cute bare fur face...

 

 

Haribo!  

 

 

When asked about his decision,  Phil said it was not a "Black and White" issue.   Rather,  it was a  need for more color in his life.   And by "color",  he meant: better pay, more friends, better benefits, more vacation days, more meaning, a gold watch, better uniforms, better food, more hair nets, a better car,  more fame, more glory, higher status, more Dancing Girls, and his own private jet airplane!  

A Short Phil ...  I mean...  In Short.....Phil will be giving up his Sleak and Sexy Stripes for  Rainbows and Teddy Bears!  

And if you ever saw Phil... You would understand why being a gummy bear would be more of his kind of thing. 

Who wants to pet the bear?

And who wouldn't?   Every kid loves Rainbows AND Teddy Bears.  And Haribo has BOTH! They say that the grass is often  greener on the other side of the fence. But what if there were more colors than just green over there?   Wouldn't you want to climb over that fence and play with the Bears too?  

He was a mostly hard worker. And he was fairly reliable...  Showing up  a few days each week. He always usually  never complained and was rarely sometimes a joy to work with. 

Well,  at least he went quick!   After his two weeks notice. And he will be missed... by More than just the people who are throwing things at him.     You see.... Now that Phil is  mostly gone, there will be a huge hole left that Phil once filled.  And that means that Management, along with everyone else in the building, will be scrambling to fill Phil's spot:          That place in the break room.   

Already,  Jazzy Jeff has made a play for Phil's seat at the "cool table" where Tom, Marian, and Jane have their lunch.   I can only guess that Jeff's motives are driven by the  conversation with cooler people.  Although it could also be the fact that Marian and Jane occasionally bring donuts and treats for the table. Or  the  placement against the back of the wall.  Did I mention that Phil was in the Witness Protection Program? We should probably keep that a secret.... BUT.... If I had  allegedly embezzled millions of dollars from the Mob, I would want a seat with my back facing the wall too!  

But there is more than just a good seat in the break room.   With Phil mostly gone now,  that means that a Senior Warehouse Associate spot is now open!  And I might make a play for that.  Now I know what you are thinking: Why would I want to give up my "Material Handler One" position  for a "Senior Warehouse Associate?  Let me tell you friends.  The term "Senior" is not in reference to Phil being over the age of 60.   It means that his slot has more gravitas.  And with a new title comes STATUS!  I know that I can make "Senior Warehouse Associate"  Great Again! If  I get your vote....

So let us remember our feelings for Phil, as we bid him a fond farewell to his new fields and friends.  His becoming a bear will bear no resentment as he bares himself to the unbearable and becomes barely visible  with cute sweet  gummies, hairnets, and beard nets... Rather than a part of the herd.  Already people are placing orders for Red Bears.  A tidal wave of tasty temping teddies!  No wonder everyone is trying to get his contact info.  

So that is all I have.. On this late night as I try to come up with jokes to roast Phil.   Did we mention we had a pizza party for him while he was absent last Friday?   Jeff hit him up for $20 to help defer the costs before he left Thursday.   I know that that might sound a little insensitive to his leaving...  But the party was in his honor after all.  And $ 20 bucks for  $20 bucks worth of Pizza seems like a small price to pay. 

Na, I'm just kidding.   We didn't have any pizza.... Because Phil refused to give us any money.  Talk about ungrateful....

All fooling aside,  Phil was a great guy to work with.   Even when he was not working...  which was often.   (Kind of true for all of us...  since it was a start up and there are many moments of boredom.) Phil had lots of stories, jokes, and musical trivia to entertain us with.   Along with an often misguided sports loyalty that Fransisco (The PIT driver, not the city by the bay.) often called him out on.  But I know nothing about sports.   And even less about music.   So most of Phil's stories  were tuned out as I tried to educate him on Mushrooms and Fish. We made a good team.  

Who will replace Phil?

And now that he is going to Haribo...   The three Amigo's of the DIM squad will soon be down to one.   Me.   But I am confident I will find new recruits to fill in the vacancies.   Just like the three stooges found replacements for Curly and Shemp. I imagine the logical choice will be John and Jeff.  I don't think Paul wants the job, even though he held the title "Phil 2.0" for a few weeks there. 

And in the event that Phil finds that Scott has been employed at Hariobo ahead of him... and has a change of heart...  despite the promises of a jet airplane....  I have heard that our Manager, AJ has extended an open invitation back to Zebra.   With a pay cut and a different shift.  It's good to know you are always welcome back if things don't work out.   Or if Scott is working at your new job. 

So a Heart Felt Farewell to Phil!   The greatest non-PIT driver Zebra or GXO has ever known.  He will be missed.   And not just by the people who are looking for him.  ( Did I mention he was in the Witness Protection Program? We should probably keep that a secret...)   For this reason, many of the above information has been changed or censored for the protection of the innocent.  And Phil.

Find the Phil in this fiasco!

Phil?   Phil who?

There is no one here by that name.... anymore.    Wink! Wink!...  (We got ya covered Phil.  Your secret is safe with us! )

A Weekend In Iowa.

I traveled to the distant lands of Iowa once again this weekend.   To spend time with My beloved Cheryl... Who wanted me to bring her my spare computer and sign tax forms.   How romantic!  Well...  That's married life for you.    And love.  

But there were some good moments that happened in between the duties of Marital Bliss....  I ran 8 miles!   All at once!   

Now...  Before you point out that Cheryl ran 10 miles around the same time AND ran an additional 20 miles today... I would have you know that I have never run 8 miles all the way in a single setting before.    I feel that that is quite an accomplishment for me.   Did I mention it was cold?   12 degrees!  And WINDY!   -5 wind chill!  Sure,   Cheryl ran 10 miles in the same conditions.   But I'm not in competition with her.   Besides.... She is a woman!  

But there are consequences for the novice runner that they do not tell you in "Runner's Camp"   And that is the "chaffing" issue you will encounter whenever you run a distance longer than 4 miles.  Ah the price for Wisdom....

Turns out,   there are parts of your body OTHER than your nipples that can be rubbed the wrong way.   I have been aware of the nipple issue before.  ( lesson learned after my first 6 mile run.)  But I guess one of the things they don't tell you if you are a fat person... or formerly fat person... Is that you have additional wobbly bits that can rub on your clothes  Including the tip of Mister Happy!  

But if you are going to run and try to lose the creeping weight of old age,   what can you do about all the rolls and folds and dangly-danglies that want to rub up on your action wear?   Well, apparently they have a solution for those people.  A Thing called... Wait for it...  Ball Butter!    

Not to be confused with "ButterBall."   That's a Turkey!   And that is probably what you feel like asking for Ball Butter at the counter of your local pharmacy or health store. Ball Butter?   Who thinks of these names?  Couldn't they come up with alliteration that was better than Ball Butter?  Besides,  I believe Ball and Butt Butter is Better! Because, Butts Blister toboot!  And no one wants butter on their buns better than a Bumbling blogger with a big butt?  You better believe it buster!  Ball Butter Without the Butt is Bologna! Bigger, Badder, Better, buttercup....

Alright, that is enough of that.   Hopefully we all had a good chuckle making fun of the name of a seemingly important product.   I should probably go out and purchase some soon if I plan on running over 8 miles again.  But as mentioned before,  it was not the dangly famly jewels that were the issue.   Rather,   the area where my Butt and Hamstring meet.   And I'm not sure how I'm going to stop my pants from rubbing the tip of Mr Happy...  ( That sentence brings a rather disturbing picture to mind...  forget I even said it. )   

So much for this rant.    An awkward train of thoughts that make for an uncomfortable topic. But there it is!  I ran 8 miles and now walk like I have been riding a horse for 20 miles.   Did I mention my left foot hurts?   And my knees.   And hips and back.    I could have ranted about those things...  But the topic with the most comedic value once again wins the day.   The take away:   Eth ran 8 miles!   The end.  Hurray!

The other important thing was the brakes on the Bean!   The Bean Subie has been acting up for Cheryl with a squealing, grinding brake application.   I figured she might need new Brake Pads and purchased some to swap out on Saturday.  I have done this before with the Silver Bullet... so it should be ok.    

Except it was cold... and As previously mentioned, I ran 8 miles that morning.   But!  Life is full of challenges!   Bring em on!

WTF!?!?!

Challenge number one.   Theft proof Lug Nuts!   What the CRAP!  Man???   Who puts these on a Subaru Impreza?    Well,  surely the former owner was not an idiot and put the removal socket somewhere in the car... right?   Because,   flat tires happen on the highway all the time and without the special socket, you are screwed!    

This must GO!

Nope!  No special socket.   So we look up a you tube video to discover you cram on a disposable socket to remove it.   And that is what I did.   Luckily,  the former owner still had the old lug nuts in the back by the spare tire.  ( No!  No socket there either... or glove box,  or ashtray.) I broke all special anti-theft lug nuts off and threw them all away and replaced them with normal ones. 

After removing the tire, I notice that Cheryl's brakes were missing something.... the entire pad on the passenger side!  The Rotor was grinding directly on the Caliper!  I think there is enough medal left to continue to work... at least long enough for her to make it to Michigan this week so Andy can look at it.   You see,  Andy (Cheryl's Brother.)  is the Subaru Auto Tech and is planning on doing the head gaskets for Cheryl.    While he has it,  I'm sure he will look over the brakes and give a professional opinion on how bad the caliper is.   Perhaps it will need replacing after all. 

Don't let this happen to you!

So those are the big things that happened this weekend.   Cheryl finished the taxes,  I replaced some brakes, and both Cheryl and I ran a lot!   Sounds kind of "ho-humm"   but for me,  I achieved the impossible by running a distance I previously have never attempted. ( 8 miles!)  That's kind of a big deal.  

Now I'm back in Wisconsin,  ready to tackle another week at the Zebra Warehouse.   Hopefully things will go smoothly and everyone will be in fine spirits after a refreshing weekend of rest.   And Work will be fun, fast, and productive.   Well....   we can hope at least.  

Thanks for stopping in and reading my rants.   I hope everyone had a fun weekend and is ready for a great week!  I hope my candid topics of nipples, butts and balls did not offend anyone. I was actually going for a laugh...

Tuesday Embroidery And Car Repair.

 It's late!  So I shall be brief ( -ish).   I got the part for the Subie today and replaced the heat sensor in the air intake filter box. ( or what ever the official Subie name for it is...) So easy I barely had to use any tools.   And I did it in the driveway in mu socks.  mostly because I was too lazy to put on shoes, but also because I was eager to get it replaced and behind me on my "things to do" list.    Winner!

And then... I jumped into Embroidery.   I have been falling behind after my "unsuccessful weekend" plans.   So.. tonight,  I am mostly caught up on the jobs I had been sitting on.   I finished up both of Reggie's sweatshirts.  ( Heavy Hoodies!  Tough!  The material was by far the thickest I have ever had to play around with.   It was a challenge to get the hoop on the material and stay put!   But luckily,  it all worked out.

Then there was Joan's Zip-up hoodie.  It was nice and easy doing this one because it had a Zip on the front and the material was much thinner than Reggie's.  Easy to access the hoops and keep the extra material out of the danger zone of action!  

Then there was AJ's...  The boss!   He wanted a fleece with just black thread.    Like Joan's, it had a zip on the front so it was easy to maneuver.  And I think the black thread looks sharp!  

The problem with the fleece is that the thread disappeared the moment it began.   So, I had to do a little something special to keep it on top and crisp against the fluffy background.   It worked like a charm!  And I'm sure veteran embroidery foks could have told me of this little "Pro-Tip" had I had time to inquire.... But I did not.   This is a "shoot from the hip... Learn as you go... Sink or Swim in the deep end of the pool" scenario!   And I feel like I have made some progress today.. Enough to give up valuable sleep time to blog about it. 

But I still have 5 T- shirts and a Baseball Hat for "Outbound Matt."   So... Enjoy the moment of recovery while it lasts.... In the mean time.  Time to get some ZZZZ's and post this blog.   Much shorter than usual, but it is a mid-week one...  So thanks for stopping in.

The Setting Moon? 

The Week/Weekend in Review. Lazy Blogging 101.

Red sky at Morn... Sailor be warned!

Looks pretty red to me!

That is right!  I have cut down my usual blogging regiment to a pathetic "Highlights" post.  Like where I note all the things that could have been blog worthy down to a 20 second video clip and then post that on you tube.   Only Blogger...  Does any of that make sense?  Well, it probably does to other bloggers who know the score.  That is:  You want to blog... but can't, don't or won't!  For any number of life's excuses.

And with that Intro.... I will now begin.  ( I find confession to be most cleansing of my lazy tendencies....)   

Is that Snow?

Um... yeah!  It snowed!

A LOT! Wet, HEAVY snow!

Some time this week.  It snowed!   Unbelievable!   Since it was nearly in the 50's at the beginning of the week.    I honestly thought it was an April Fool's joke, until I realized it was still March.  But true to form,   the weather turned and dumped a bunch of wet, heavy snow all over this section of Wisconsin.   And the snow continued even into today!  Even with the temps hovering above the freezing mark!   It would have been a great opportunity to make a snow man or have a snowball fight with friends.   

But I had bigger tasks on my agenda!

Many of which... I did not complete. 

Feel the snow pulling at the Exhaust System!

One of the good things that DID get  accomplished was that I managed to get  the Subie fixed!   His exhaust system is back as good as new with no pipes hanging, or loud exhaust noise.   He sounds nice and quiet and the cost was very affordable for the items I had done.    So you can imagine how I felt driving him in this ridiculous, heavy, wet snow knowing that every trough could rip off the repaired plumbing!   Especially since the snow plows managed to focus only on the interstate and not on the back roads leading to work.   But Subie loves the snow!   And somehow... we both survived the trek back and forth to the Zebra Place. Intact!

I had big plans for the weekend.   Ever since it was reveled that I have been doing my own embroidery at work,   folks have been making requests.   And after finishing Phil's  that guy who is in the witness protection program's shirts,  people have been giving me shirts to embellish with the Zebra Logo.  I figured that having an entire weekend for such a task would allow me to complete it with time to spare.   But life has a way of changing things up when you least expect it.  There were design flaws that needed attention, purchases that had to be made, bathroom drains that needed to be unclogged, and laundry that required folding.  Did I mention I had to run 6 miles yesterday?   That takes time... especially for someone as slow and chubby as me!   

Oh!  And we lost an hour this weekend.   That whole "spring ahead" thing cost me an hour of valuable embroidery and origami time.    But that was Saturday...  I can certainly catch things up on Sunday... Right? 

This little this shuts down the car?

Not so fast!   Because after church,  Subie decided to pull a "I don't want to start" move that kind of freaked me out.    Turns out,  a small heat sensor seems to be getting bad.   And as a result,  the car will turn over, but refuses to start.  ( because it thinks your car is overheating...)  I wiggled the sensor and it turned over.   I read the codes and it confirmed my theory.   So I will be needing to replace that part later this week.  In the mean time,  Time was lost going to several parts stores looking for the small sensor that is shutting the entire car down.   Sometimes Tech is evil!

I read that cold weather can cause it.   I also think that a little dirt might have been built up, so I cleaned it as best I could.   Fingers crossed I will be able to get it started tomorrow in time for Work. 

After that little hiccup,  I was not really in the mood to concentrate on embroidery things,  so....  I decided to tag along with Dave and Christina as they explored another hidden section of Kenosha.   To some Bargain Bin place that sells unclaimed food from distributors.   Some serious bargains could be had for the savvy shopper!   Unfortunately,  they only took cash and I was short at the moment. Just when society conditions you to used your card for everything... because places are selecting against cash...   That is when you enter a store that ONLY takes cash.   And you don't have any on your person.   As a result,  I could not get my Hot Chocolate at an insane 5 cents a pouch.   Neh...  Maybe next time. 

And finally,   We capped the day off by stopping at a local bar near the place.   Called the Honey Pot... or something like that.   We enjoyed a Beer and some home-made Bread just before returning.   We caught up on each other's week and enjoyed a cold one. Normally bars are not my scene... yet I have discovered that some of them defy the normal stereo-type and fall into a "small town/family" category.  The bread was free and Spectacular!   Dave and I had several servings while making fun of Christina's "Glutten Free" life choices.  It was a fun way to end the weekend. 

So now... I have to finish Reggie's Hoodies with the Zebra Logo;   I have to replace the faulty sensor while hoping and praying it works long enough to get Subie back and forth to work each day;  And I have to work on some Origami Models that have been requested by co-workers.   Did I mention that I plan on heading to Iowa next weekend?   So Subie has to be fixed by then...  AND I will not have an open weekend to catch up on any additional embroidery jobs.   ( as if this open weekend had any advantages...) 

Time is fleeting!  And our time on this Earth is limited.    And with so much to do and so little time to accomplish it all,  having a single hour taken away seems down right CRIMINAL!  I blame the Government for stealing my time... it was their idea for this daylight savings time plan after all.   And since when is the Government good at saving anything? In the end,   you end up with a loss....Just like Social Security!  But then I am reminded that a giant meteor is going to destroy the planet and  all of these things will not matter so much.   And somehow.... That makes me feel better.

Hope everyone had a great weekend this weekend.   And I hope the upcoming week will be filled with all of the fun and joy that time will allow. And if you were not as productive as you had hoped you would be...  Rest assure,  there is always tomorrow to finish it.   And if there is no Tomorrow... Then why are you so worried?    

Thanks for stopping in.