Today marks our first “official “ day without a job….I could remark that I think this is “freedom” whereas Cheryl thinks it is our opportunity to find a REAL job. By “real”, I mean one that offers a decent wage, leaves you to your own duties…alone, “benefits”, One we could possibly do together, One with a decent wage…..( did I mention that yet?) and one that allows Cheryl to run in the various races that she has lined up….as well as train in the morning hours. It also must not be too boring. It would also be a plus if she felt no shame in going to it, or if it would challenge her in ways that utilize her special talents and skills. ( She has a Masters degree after all!) It would also be cool if it allowed for a change of scenery, but that is optional.
In short, there are very few jobs that fit this bill. So Cheryl has spent the majority of her time looking on the web trying to find “the perfect” job. And thus….since perfection does not exist in this world, she has hit a wall…( a marathon reference that should make runners chuckle.)
However, a frequent reader of this blog has offered several ideas on how to make money without having to do much of anything. ( Thanks Barb!)
First one: Dog walker! I like this one. I like dogs! Ok, I LOVE dogs….with their waggly widdle tails and floppy ears! They can easily be bribed with treats. They Listen, ( at least they LOOK like they listen) Are almost always happy. They can be taught to do cool tricks, rarely talk (bark) back, and publicly show affection that is not illegal. ( in most states) And, best of all, They allow Cheryl to get her exercise “on the JOB!” How great is that? Paid to walk/ run/ be dragged! We could BOTH do it…we could double ( or triple!) up on the number of dogs and triple or quadruple our income! ( This keeps sounding better and BETTER!) There is only one small problem….Cheryl is scared of dogs.
Not All dogs, mind you….just the big ones. And by “big” I mean anything larger than her…..which is everything…. except the Chihuahua. (And even those guys are vicious when it comes to ankles!) So, even though there is a Multi-level marketing scheme buried in here somewhere….Looks like this one will have to be put on hold until Cheryl overcomes her “Phobias.”
The second one: Cleaning! Everyone hates to clean…except Cheryl. I told her she would be perfect for this! She does an AWESOME job at home…..and that is really saying something. I mean…Between me and the cat, we’re Slobs! Add in that we have a dilapidated apartment that always brews up a mess for us randomly several times each season and you will see what a champ she really is!
And that is only the beginning! She cleans up dishes and laundry too! She is like a GENIUS with a sponge and a broom! There is only one problem here….I can’t join her. That might sound insignificant to some people, but Cheryl and I are a team…..And since I only know how to Make messes and never actually clean them up. Well,…you see the problem.
I know, I know. “Eth, Can’t you learn how to clean up a little?” You must be asking. Well, Cheryl tells me that all the time and we have been married 19 years now and I still have made no progress. I guess I’m hopeless….and it has taken me a long time to admit that to myself. Acceptance is part of the ten step program…so I have read. so at least I’m making a little progress…
The Third one: Donating plasma! This one has potential. But apparently, Cheryl NEEDS her plasma to run on very hot days. ( She is such a non-team player!) A little anemia never killed anyone too much….But that got me thinking…..why stop there? The whole world opens up once you break through that squeamishness and the social taboos. Why does it have to be plasma? Heck, I didn’t even know that people bought that stuff! There are so many other bodily excretions that might have market potential. I’ve been thinking too “outside the box” and should have been thinking “inside the body!” Did you know that you have two kidneys? You only need one and I hear that they fetch a really good price on the Chinese Market! The same goes for Eyes! You could make a years wages in two simple slightly illegal medical operations! And I guess we continue to produce blood and Plasma after a few weeks….so that is a continuous money maker!
Looking further, I know we have 10 fingers….but those come in handy for folding origami and typing up my blog….But what about toes? Who really needs 10 toes anyway? I guess the big toe is useful for running, but that leaves 8 little piggy's that could go to the market..if you know what I mean. I’m not sure what the going price is for the smaller toes, but if they are as much as a kidney, perhaps I’ll consider one of those before diving into the torso.
Now, personally, I find that last one a little over the top and gross. I mean, I pass out over the sight of blood….especially my own. The good part of that Idea is that it drums up a lot of cash in a very short time. But in the long run….when you are low on body parts….what then? See where I’m going? I have to think about the future! Maybe selling your soul to a soul crushing job is a wiser investment. Best to weigh the alternatives before making any rash moves.
I guess there is always scientific experiments. Nothing to painful. I’m thinking make-up tester, food taster, case studies, mental research. You know, the stuff that is meant to be “ethical”. We live in a college town after all. I’m sure some grad student is trying to get their thesis published using desperate human guinea pigs for research.
Other than that, this is only the first day…..I’m sure it is a little early to sell ourselves to science just yet. I’m personally enjoying my free time and I do have a Pearson gig coming up. Hopefully Cheryl will not be driven any more insane with the job hunt. It’s kind of like choosing your own means of execution……I’m not in a big hurry to decide the best way to die just yet…..and if I take long enough, It will all happen on its own naturally.
DISCLAIMER: Upon reading this to Cheryl, she has informed me that these views are mine and mine alone…not hers! I guess I might have went a little overboard on this one……I hope most people realize I was joking…..it’s funny..hahah. Hello! Ghost Busters Opening Scene with Bill Murray! And the Set up to the “little piggy's punch line” took a long time. Maybe I should not pursue that Comedian career after all.…..